


Scientifically proven

by DS_ds



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Blind Date, Characters Are Adults, F/M, Harry Potter Epilogue What Epilogue | EWE, Post-Hogwarts, Post-War, Ravenclaw orchestrated, Speed Dating
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-04
Updated: 2021-01-08
Packaged: 2021-03-15 03:33:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 12
Words: 12,191
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28556928
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DS_ds/pseuds/DS_ds
Summary: Hermione finds herself alone at the Ministry gala, while all her friends and acquaintances are in relationships. Luna offers her help and Hermione enrolls into a trial, Ministry-funded, science-based speed dating service.THIS STORY IS COMPLETE
Relationships: Hermione Granger/Undisclosed
Kudos: 7





	1. Ministry Spring Equinox Gala

**Author's Note:**

> Ok, so I had this idea to write a fic where, contrary to what happens most often, the end romantic pairing is unknown as long as possible. Speed blind dating sounded perfect for the purpose. Also I wondered for so long if I could pull off writing decent Luna...
> 
> So here we are, hopefully you enjoy and I managed to trick you into unknown at least for a few chapters.
> 
> Few caveats:  
> I write no angst, if you expect it, please skip and find a better read.  
> It is dialogue heavy, no long paragraphs of deep psychological musings (i’m just rubbish at those) so again see above if you can’t accept it.  
> I like to indicate my dialogues with hyphens rather than quotation marks (much like it’s done in many non-English speaking countries or how James Joyce did it) so be warned, I’m just that queer or rather hyphen is in a much more comfortable place on my keyboard. Anyway, go read and enjoy.  
> Customary caveat: I don’t own Harry Potter nor any other characters, I have no gain from this story beside personal fun. 
> 
> Rating is T, there is one chapter that could be rated M, I will label it accordingly in the beginning of it.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Here we go...
> 
> ******

Hermione leaned back against the wall, a glass of red wine twirling in her hand. She was positioned perfectly, fitting smoothly against the background wall, between a large decorative plant and drinks table, her red dress mirroring the shade of wine and the flower’s tiny blossoms. 

Her position was doubly perfect because, blended with the environment, unseen by others, she could observe the other guests of Ministry of Magic Spring Equinox gala. Her eyes slowly scanned the crowded dance floor and groups of wizards and witches chatting on its outskirts, picking out her friends and acquaintances like raisins in a bun. 

There was Ginny dancing with Lee. After a messy break up with Harry a year back Ginny discovered it’s easier to joggle together calendars of pro quidditch player and a quidditch commentator than said player and an auror. Not that Harry was worse off, really. He started going out steadily with Parkinson half a year later and, as Hermione observed him now talking to minister of magic and his date (an unknown handsome wizard), her best friend seemed perfectly happy. George was joyfully spinning around Angelina and Alicia (he was claiming he had now a responsible task of living for two). In the far corner she spotted Hannah, Neville, Ernie and Susan, all talking quietly and with animation, Hannah’s head on Neville’s shoulder. Bill and Fleur apparently managed to leave their kids with Molly (Hermione couldn’t make out the Weasley parents anywhere) or maybe with Percy, who presented with a choice of dancing and babysitting usually settled on the latter. More than a few heads turned towards Fleur but Bill never cared, sure of his hold. Parvati was laughing her head off talking to Dean, Seamus and Micheal Corner. Hermione wasn’t sure which of them dated whom but they always formed a four at parties. Even the Slytherins she remembered from school seemed to have slithered back into society a year or so after the war, after said society stopped shunning them too strictly, and now looked comfortable and, alas, happily paired as well - she thought she recognised blonde head of older Greengrass with Nott and the stocky Bulstrode with Marcus Flint. And finally, resplendent in her violet dress, there was Lavender, now Weasley, swirling with Ron in the middle of the floor, their bodies as if glued together (their twin toddlers probably in Molly’s care).

Hermione sighed and pressed her head against the wall behind her. It wasn’t that she was jealous. Certainly not of Ron, with whom she broke things off a year after the war, to the relief of them both. And neither was she begrudging her friends their relationships. It was just that...

\- Feeling lonely?

Hermione opened her eyes to see a figure in a flowing, pearly shining dress, her blonde straight hair cascading down her back, a pair of lemon slices dangling from her ears, blue eyes in a pale face looking at her earnestly and curiously.

\- Luna! Good to see you - Hermione smiled - A bit. - she admitted.

\- Oh. Then you probably shouldn’t be hiding, you know... - Luna observed casually.

\- I’m tired, Luna. Tired of feeling like an odd wheel among those snuggling couples and trios, left out of conversations about impending engagements, changing nappies or when best time for slipping out for a quickie is. If it weren’t for you, I wouldn’t even have anyone to talk to over lunch.

\- I’m sorry I’m an Unspeakable then... - Luna interjected kindly.

\- Don’t be, you’re a life buoy. - Hermione sighed again, leaning back fully against the wall, taking a sip of wine before reiterating - I’m tired, Luna. I never expected myself to end up alone. It doesn’t feel right. I always accused Ronald of having an emotional depth of a tea spoon and yet, see how happily attached he is, while myself...

\- Maybe this is the problem... - Luna tilted her head and looked at her thoughtfully, unblinking.

\- Do you suggest I’m too picky? - Hermione learnt long ago to consider seriously even the craziest theories of her friend - Maybe... It takes me ages to find someone to ask on a date, or be asked, then after one or two it becomes clear it’s not that... me and whoever don’t fit at all. How I wish for a magic spell to save myself all that effort? Or that thing Muggles do - she looked at Luna with sudden glint in her eyes - Why doesn’t the wizarding world do speed dating? 

Luna merely looked at her, opening her eyes even wider.

\- Oh, I think we should talk to Padma, come on - she finally said, grabbing Hermione’s hand and dragging her behind herself across the dance-floor to the buffet and a familiar figure in long colourful robe. 

*

\- Do you remember the talk about the marriage law? 

They were sitting at the balcony of the Ministry, gala happening without them for a bit, drinks and a plate of stolen finger food between them, Ministerial inner garden, sending upwards scents of spring blooms, in front of them, full moon above. 

\- Uhm - Hermione nodded at Padma.

\- Do you know why the Ministry decided to abort the project?

\- No, the press was rather unclear about that.

\- It was because they were for obvious reasons unwilling to force people to choose in a hurry or worse, hurriedly pair them up randomly. And then we failed. 

\- We? 

\- Me and a couple of my colleagues from Department of Mysteries - Luna picked up the narrative - You remember I work for Love section? And Padma and her co-workers from mind healing unit in St Mungo’s.

\- We were tasked with finding or creating a quick perfect match spell, easy to use en masse. - Padma explained - But we failed. So the Ministry aborted the law idea. But retained our funding. By now we have done extensive research on what makes relationships happy, both magical and muggle, and are ready for phase two.

\- Which is a perfect thing for you, Hermione. - Luna said brightly - A science-grounded dating service.

\- How very Ravenclaw of you! - Hermione smiled indulgently - Tell me more.

It turned out they planned to recruit a pool of single, relationship searching people. Then set them to a set of tasks. Tasks that would ensure they all stay anonymous to each other but get a chance to learn enough important from dating perspective things about other participants to choose, in the end, person or persons they would like to pursue further. In case two persons choose each other mutually, project team would facilitate further contact. 

\- Interesting, at least it cuts down time needed for seeking out and approaching potential candidates, possibly eliminate first date total fiascos.... and people attracted just to my war heroine side - Hermione mused - What’s the catch?

\- Entrance fee is 100 galleons. - Padma grinned - Covers our costs. And ensures serious commitment. 

\- What happens if I decide on no match? 

\- We pull you into next wave at no extra cost. Same if after initial contact your interest fizzles out anyway. 

Hermione left the gala that night less tipsy than usual, with stomach much less heavy, definitely alone but feeling somehow less so... she was, for the first time in years, feeling slightly hopeful and excited.


	2. Pre-testing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hermione meets with Padma to set the dating process in motion.
> 
> ******

A few days later Hermione was sitting in Padma’s office in the research part of St Mungo’s, her 100 galleons dutifully paid. Padma was explaining to her the proceedings of their blind dating service première.

\- We already have over eighty participants, Hermione. Now... are you into wizards? Witches? Both?

\- Uhm... wizards.

\- Okay. - Padma took her notes - Fill this form for me please, they are just some basic questions we will load into our pre-selection algorithm. It will help narrow down the pool for you to up to ten persons that seem most promising in terms of fit. - she handed Hermione a quill and parchment.

Hermione looked down at the form. There were actually three questions there.

_1\. Name three favourite pastimes of yours._  
_2\. Name three things you hate doing._  
_3\. Name three traits you value above others._

Hermione sucked her quill, deep in thought. Under question one she wrote quickly “reading, problem solving...”. Then stopped to consider. Thinking back to holidays with her parents she added “sailing”. Next question was easy. “Quidditch talk, flying, make-up” she wrote and smirked to herself. The last point would eliminate Pansy Parkinson, were she available, that’s for sure. Last question was tricky, Hermione had actually trouble limiting herself to three. That was a problem with those kind of questionnaires for opinionated people. She bit her lip, deciding finally that it was just a pre-step, it didn’t need to be exhaustive. She wrote down “smart, loyal, sense of humour” again chuckling to herself in memory of some silly commercial she saw as a kid about sense of humour and toothpaste (her parents were dentists after all, she saw all toothpaste commercials there were out there). Then she put down her quill resolutely and handed the form back to Padma. 

\- Fantastic, thanks - Padma gave a cursory glance to the form before looking back to Hermione - now...

\- How does the algorithm work? - Hermione interrupted - Why algorithm in the first place?

\- Luna’s colleague Marjorie. She is a half-blood, holds an IT degree from muggle university. She created some way for her computer to weigh in all answers, find common interests, complimentary traits, no-goes, chances at learning something new for participants... a whole complicated thing done with a click. 

Hermione nodded satisfied. Her uncle did some early research in neural networks so she had some idea what magic the computers could do.

\- What’s next? - she asked.

\- As I was going to say before you interrupted - Padma winked at her - Ball is now in our hoop. We’ll choose a few wizards we want you to test against. Tests will comprise three areas we deem as pillars of good relationship. We’ll hold mind compatibility this weekend, please report here Friday afternoon, say five thirty? 

Hermione nodded.

\- Next weekend we’ll cover physical and then magical and soul compatibilities. You are free to keep notes, wizards order will be randomised each time, after each test we’ll magically arrange your notes by wizard.

\- You seem sure I’ll keep notes? - she grinned.

\- Hermione, we know each other what? 12 years?

\- Thirteen. 

\- So, after next weekend we give everyone a day to complete top choice list, we process in a few hours and then proceed with putting people in touch. If in three following weeks you decide all your choices are wash outs after all, you are welcome to join second wave. Clear?

\- Clear, fair and beautifully put together. - Hermione gave praise where due.

She often wondered how her life would have turned out had she been put in Ravenclaw. Now it looked like her rapport with Padma would have been certainly better than with her twin. She supposed the fact this whole thing was run by Ravenclaws gave her some extra assurance, order and method spoke to her more than wild gusts of intuition or whimsical surges of attraction.


	3. Mind compatibility

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The first weekend of the dating service trials. Hermione meets seven anonymous wizards, and they talk.
> 
> *****

On Friday Hermione entered once again the halls of research area of magical hospital in London. She walked swiftly to the office she visited previously and smiled when Padma waved her in immediately. 

\- Hello, Hermione. How are you? Ready to start? 

She handed her seven identical notebooks, bound in cloth. The only difference between them was the colour of cloth, that made each easily distinguished from others. 

\- Easy task here. Each notebook is representing a wizard the algorithm pre-set for you. Whatever you write in it, will show in the twin notebook in the possession of the wizard. And the other way round. Now, go home, relax, chat with the guys over the weekend. See where it leads you. 

Hermione started to push the notebooks into her infamous hold-literally-all bag. 

\- That’s it? Any constraints?

\- Yes, it’s preferable you maintain anonymity by refraining from using names and obvious details. If you lack inspiration, there is a short guide on potential topics at the back of each book but I doubt you would need it. Also, should any candidate turn out an obvious “NO WAY” just owl his notebook back to me. 

\- Let’s hope not - Hermione laughed a bit uncomfortably - Okay, I think I’m clear. What happens after the weekend?

\- Connection is disabled at midnight, Monday. But you may retain the notebooks for reference. Come back here Saturday morning, ten sharp, for physical compatibility. 

\- Right, uhm, thank you and see you then?

\- Enjoy.

*

Hermione arrived at her flat and put the notebooks on the desk in a pile. Then went into the kitchen to fix herself some dinner. Fifteen minutes later, her tarte flambée in the oven, she sat in her chair, put her cup of tea firmly on her left and reached out for the topmost notebook with a deep sigh. The blue one.

She opened it to see the wizard on the other end had already made the first entry.

\- Hello, Beautiful! - she read the scrawl at the top of the page.

\- How do you know I am that? - she wrote back.

\- ‘Twas on my traits list, Pretty Face.

\- No guarantee of hundred percent match, man.

\- Well, then I’m sure your tits are a sight. Can’t wait to knead them, witch. Gives me a twitch, hehe.

Hermione scrunched her nose, closed the notebook and put it into an envelope. She scribbled Padma’s office address on top and set it aside. Five minutes wasted, month gained, she thought. At this rate she would still have time for a movie tonight. But hopefully not all seven were based on “Opposites attract” principle.

Her oven beeped in alarm so she grabbed the next book and went to fetch her tarte and a plate. Since the kitchen was by now pleasantly warm, she sat at the table there, yellow notebook opened next to her food. 

\- Hello, how are you? - she wrote carefully on top of first page.

\- Fine, you? - the answer appeared second later

\- I’m well. Thank you.

\- What are you up to?

\- Eating dinner - she wrote, then after a quick hesitation, added - Tarte Flambée.

\- Oh, Alsatian. Brilliant stuff, love it. Bon appetite by the way. You cooked it yourself?

\- Yes... - Hermione answered uncertain of the motivation behind the inquiry, maybe it was a believer in women sticking to their traditional roles...

\- Cool! I so love cooking. Tarte Flambée is tricky though. Stone oven is best for it, my Muggle top notch cooker could never compete despite its million functions. But I bought that pizza stone recently to supplement it and have high hopes. Actually, would you believe what fun one can have with those Muggle appliances? I never knew before I moved into an apartment with electricity. Would you believe that blender can...

No, this one was definitely not traditional. Hermione chuckled, set her quill down and munched on her food while the wizard happily filled page after page with hymns about Kitchen Aid and dishwasher with zeolith technology. She pictured the man, whom she decided, after the notebook hue, to call The Yellow, as some younger brother of Arthur Weasley. Really, she should ask Luna to put them in touch.

After dinner she decided to leave the yellow notebook on her kitchen table, it seemed quite a good idea to enhance her ability to tell those guys apart by not only assigning them some nicknames but also setting the conversation into different parts of her house. Also of course The Yellow fit really well in the kitchen. She went back to her desk and eyed the remaining notebooks thoughtfully. No black nor brown. Good. The Brown would only associate too much with Lav Lav and give the guy unnecessary bias. The Black... well, she had already crushed once on a Black in her life, teenage crush as it was. That would give her an opposite kind of bias and potentially a disappointment. She decided on purple next.

\- Good evening, I trust you are well. - was already written on the first page, the handwriting small, cramped and tilting to the left. 

\- I’m well. How are you?

\- Very adequate, thank you. So how is the weather at your place?

\- My roof keeps the blizzards away, fortunately - Hermione swerved into sarcasm, amused by the stiff small talk.

\- Yes, of course. Have you seen the Prophet today?

\- Not yet, give me some time - she sensed a way out and closed the book.

She hesitated, then placed it firmly on the desk, to the side. It wasn’t very promising but not yet a complete no-go. Let the guy stew and come up with some interesting topic. Hermione reached out again, hesitated, then went for the red journal. It was as yet pristine.

\- Hello, Red - she wrote in her elegant script on top of first page - I can call you Red? - she decided she had enough “how are you”s for the evening and decided to try the strategy of skipping the customary courtesies.

\- As long as it’s not Reddy nor Red Stick.

\- Oh, why not those? - Hermione admitted she was curious.

\- I was at school with two Weasleys. We called them so.

\- Oh, really? Which ones? - she sensed a teasing material for any future dinners at the Burrow.

\- Ah, Charlie was a bit above me, Percy a couple of years behind. Care to guess which was which?

\- Too hard... not to guess - Hermione giggled to herself thinking back to Percy as a prefect.

\- Oh, so you know them? Should I remember you from school?

\- I don’t think so - Hermione played carefully - I was a few years behind Red Stick.

\- Pity. But we can catch up. Which house were you in?

\- Gryffindor, and you?

\- Hufflepuff.

\- Oh, tell me more what is it like? Hufflepuffs I was friends with were rather shy...

Thus giving the guy a chance to elaborate Hermione placed the log on her windowsill seat and went back to the stack and resolutely picked up the grey notebook.

\- Hi there - she wrote - To start, can I codename you The Grey?

\- Hello, a pleasure. - a slanting, thin script appeared - The Grey? As in Gandalf the Grey? I guess better than The White. The latter ended up rather worse for wear.

Hermione’s eyes widened and her jaw dropped. It was rare the wizardkind knew and used references to muggle books that well. Unless the guy was a Muggleborn of course. Anyway, this sounded hopeful.

\- Definitely worse. And the Grey was a lucky one to live twice.

\- Great, just what I need. How shall I call you, then? Any suggestions of witches-featuring literature?

\- Oz?

\- As you wish. I shall call you Wicked Witch of the West. 

\- I guess it’s better than Jadis.

\- Are you implying you are darker than white? 

\- Not at all, just hotter. - Hermione wrote without thinking, then swore under her breath, what was she trying to achieve here with unintended innuendos?

\- I guess that remains to be seen. - she was glad he left the double meaning remark at that - I think you just gave me the idea... Indeed, differentiating between those anonymous chat partners is tricky... I shall name my four conversationalists the Witches of the West, East, South and North.

\- And place the journals in four corners of your room? - Hermione suggested.

\- Perfect... almost. I have a house, can afford even more spread.

Hermione bit her lip, conflicted. The guy seemed a book lover for sure. Yet, his last bit might be interpreted as some flaunting of his wealth? Still she put the notebook on the left arm of her sofa before picking up the orange diary.

\- Hi... - she was starting to get tired but decided to give each guy a fair chance.

\- Hi. Are you tall? - they guy was printing his letters, spacing them unevenly.

\- No.

\- Good. Are you blonde?

\- No...

\- Bad. Do you like countryside?

\- Yes.

\- Good. Do you wear heels?

\- Not often, no.

\- Bad. Do you support Falcons?

Hermione groaned and ended the interrogation by closing the notebook. No spark there as far as she could predict. Yet she decided to add the orange book on top of the purple one. Not optimal but still giving the guys a chance. There was only one left.

\- Hello, Number Five - Hermione read inside and chuckled, thinking the guy also had the idea of code naming his interlocutors - Fun to meet you. Shall we talk about some things about ourselves to get to know each other a bit?

\- Yes, why not. How do you suggest we proceed?

\- Let’s play some games, make it fun. I had this idea... do you know the hangman?

\- Yes?

\- Okay, how about we play “never have I ever” but instead of drinking we draw a hangman for each of us? 

\- Interesting. Do you want to start? - Hermione decided this was a refreshing approach after the stiff talk of Purple and Orange.

\- Oh sure. How about... Never have I ever tried Finnish sauna.

\- Me neither - Hermione laughed to herself and sat on the right cushion of her sofa and thought about her statement - Uhm... Never have I ever transfigured a teacher.

\- I only charmed one. You? 

\- Set one on fire - she smiled at her memories.

\- Shit, impressive. Never have I ever been to Ireland. Even if I always wanted.

\- Quidditch World Cup - Hermione wrote and drew a foot for her hangman.

\- Oh, you like quidditch?

\- Not really, I was with friends.

\- Oh, then we need quickly to talk about something else... - Hermione read and it was her turn to be impressed, Ron and Harry would never do that - ...make a statement.

An hour later, as she hang the guy and they were just to progress through to the game of twenty questions, she asked for a short break. She felt as if she needed to give some attention to the other guys. She reached out for the grey notebook, as it was nearest.

\- How was your day? - she found a question under their previous conversation and she regretted this wizard chat mechanism lacked what Muggle mobiles had, note of when the text had been sent, or rather entered in this case. 

\- Good.

\- Define good. - he challenged after a minute.

Hermione raised her eyebrow.

\- Well, I work for Gringotts. Curse breaking. Buildings and wards are one of my expertise areas. We were trying to enter the house the bank had just recently acquired. But it seems the previous owner warded it well enough that I wasn’t able to break it for the whole afternoon. So my day was interesting I guess. Even if frustrating.

\- Oh, you like puzzles? - she imagined she recognised the interest in his comment - What are your theories?

\- You mean about the wards? My current working hypothesis is he used blood magic.

\- Probable. Who was he?

\- Some old pure blood git, eighty or something, gaga for last ten. 

\- Blood magic sounds a plausible solution. Find his relative, the house allegiance would switch to the next of kin if he died?

\- Oh, I thought about it but the man was last in his family, died heirless.

\- Was he married?

\- Yes, why?

\- Try the wife’s family.

\- Oh, but she died a long time ago. And he definitely did not include any of her relatives in his will, it’s not that they are his blood relatives. This is actually why the bank is now the owner. 

\- At some point he must have included the wife in the wards. The house might be persuaded to open up to her blood relative as well.

\- Good thinking. I’ll try it on Monday. 

\- Okay, what are the others?

\- Others what?

\- Areas of your expertise.

\- Oh, cursed objects that are still linked to curse caster’s mind. Just like wards are, really. Unless the caster died, of course.

\- Oh, so like horcruxes?

\- You know _that_ about them? - Hermione gasped.

\- Well, by now I think anybody who read Harry Potter war story does.

\- Of them, yes, but ordinary wizard who read his biography wouldn’t know they are still linked to the creator.

\- Must mean I’m not an ordinary wizard.

\- Yeah, much less humble - Hermione teased.

\- Let’s say I know my worth.

Hermione chuckled and decided to come back to the Green. She fetched herself a new glass of wine and shifted back to the other end of her sofa.

\- I’m back. Let’s play. Shall we make it ‘Favourite Twenty’?

\- Sure, what’s your favourite candy?

\- Sugar quills. What’s your favourite colour?

\- Green - Hermione laughed at the irony - What’s your favourite movie?

\- Movie?

\- Yeah, do you know what’s that?

\- Sure, I’m Muggleborn.

\- Oh good, me too. So?

\- Uhm... Pulp Fiction.

\- Oh, I love it! Have you seen Men in Black?

\- I have. Remember that exam scene? My all time favourite. But it’s my turn. Favourite spell?

\- Mutatio Skullus.

\- What? - Hermione was appalled.

\- Kidding. Mucus ad Nauseam. - she decided the man would find common ground with Ginny and her bat bogey.

Hermione ended up spending almost all weekend on her couch, eating takeaways, sipping wine and alternating between The Green and The Grey with occasional trips to write a short message to The Red. It seemed her top three list for now was pretty well defined. Yet it was only a third of what she needed to look for, according to the research. As she yawned and stretched on Sunday evening, having just wrapped up the conversations and preparing to say her goodbyes, she actually regretted not being able to continue them through the week. At least with the guy who seemed knowledgable about the wards, for the sake of her job interests of course.


	4. Hermione arranges her notes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Summary is exactly in the title.  
> This chapter comes quick because it’s a kind of interlude...
> 
> ******

The Blue - crass, NO!  
The Yellow - Kitchen Aid  
The Purple - Stifftalk  
The Orange - High Inquisitor  
The Red - Hufflepuffs are the funniest  
The Grey - Gandalf the Unhumble  
The Green - Gameboy

Hermione sat back, very satisfied with her encrypted, short mind-refreshing summaries of her dating service experience to date. It was Wednesday and she felt well prepared for the weekend. She looked down at her parchment and thought back to her revision planners. Then she grinned and with a simple spell coloured each entry in its respective hue. Now, it was perfect.


	5. Physical compatibility

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hermione goes through a batch of physical compatibility related tests.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter rating might be rather mature not teen, you may wish to skip whole second section if you are very concerned or otherwise the paragraphs contained between “///“ that contain most adult content, I think. If you skip and Hermione’s notes from next chapter don’t make it clear what happened, message me in comments.
> 
> ************

It was three to ten on Saturday when Hermione knocked on the door to Padma’s office. She breathed in deeply for the last time, she was in fact a bit anxious what physical compatibility tests would look like.

\- Morning, Hermione. - the black sleek hair of Padma’s floated around as the woman turned to her, smile stretching her lips.

\- Hi, Padma. Actually, to what do I owe the honour of having your assistance through this thing? With eighty participants I can only guess you don’t attend personally to each?

\- Old friendship. We drew straws with Luna, you know. - Padma winked - But seriously, I am overlooking female part, Luna male. Some tasks will differ, you see. And yes, there are others on my team but I put you on my list, hope you don’t mind. I felt you would welcome an old dorm mate?

\- Or rather her twin?

\- Oh, we sometimes swapped just for fun, you know. Apparently no one was the wiser. - Padma ignored Hermione’s astonished gape - Now, today we have two tasks. Lunch break in between. - she switched fluently to professional topic - We start with olfactory attraction levels. It’s especially important to women according to research. 

\- Oh, will we compare samples with amortentia or something? - Hermione actually felt herself becoming excited, some anonymous olfactory exercise sounded interesting.

\- Well, no. We can’t guarantee you will find a perfect olfactory match within the set. But you will have a chance to check standard smell of each wizard and also how it changes... uhm... in more extreme conditions. - Padma explained.

\- How do you collect that? - Hermione asked in surprise.

\- They’ll be asked to do two hundred push-ups in between. - Padma smirked.

\- Merlin, hopefully some of them survive till afternoon - Hermione, who rather hated push-ups, murmured under her breath - Okay, what do the wizards get from this?

While she divested herself of her coat and pulled out her quill, she learnt the wizards would get a chance to experience her smell. She felt rather glad she showered in the morning. And that she wouldn’t be required to do any work-out. She sighed in relief and followed Padma to the corridor. She was instructed to go along the locked rooms, entering those 6 whose numbers appeared on the parchment Padma handed her. Then wait for an hour, then repeat the walk and disapparate for lunch to avoid running across any other participant. Room numbers on her parchment would magically colour with wizards notebooks hues at the end of the day. She appreciated the colour coding charm with a nod of her head.

Let the fun begin, Hermione thought, took a deep breath again and entered the first of designated rooms. She just noticed it was a small, empty antechamber before she was enveloped in a smell of garlic and curry. She chuckled, sure it must be The Yellow. The next room smelled like a warm summer holidays at her grandma... she identified traces of rosemary, mint, thyme and marigold warmed by the sun. Another one was tobacco and oranges. She scrunched her nose, never a fan of tobacco. Then it was old paper, dust and printing paint, definitely something akin to a muggle library. Next one was very weird, she labelled it as ‘locomotive shed’ as she pinned down smells of metal, oiled wood, tar and coal. She remembered visiting similar place with her parents years back. It had been a very stuffy day and she had felt really sick, had ended throwing up just behind the shed. She hoped it wasn’t The Green. The last one smelled of hay. And pine. 

Hermione stopped in front of Padma’s office (the corridor ran around the building and deposited her back at the start which was actually convenient). She completed her notes and glanced at the clock on the wall. Half past. She sat on the chair and pulled out her book. A light, 1500 pages long thing on sentient door locks. She barely had a chance to complete 50 pages (from time to time pausing to smile as she imagined poor wizards and their exercise) when the requested hour was up. She stood up and braced herself for uhm... extreme smells, as Padma had put it. It wouldn’t be nice, she thought, as her memory conjured an extremely vivid memory of Hogwarts changing rooms by quidditch pitch. But then, she could definitely understand why it was crucial for a healthy relationship. Wrinkling your nose at your boyfriend after every physical stretch would definitely not endear you to him. 

Hermione resolutely opened the first room from her list. Again, she barely noticed the quiet, empty antechamber, before it hit her. Forcefully. Godric’s arse, they must have used some smell enhancing enchantments. That would be an interesting ward, she thought quickly closing the door behind her and breathing heavily to get rid of pungent, sour air in her lungs. Right, she decided to take only carefully shallow breaths from now on. Second room turned out decently tolerable, the air musky, slightly piquant. The next reeked from cigarettes even more than before, with an extra layer of something sweetly leathery. The fourth was musty and salty at once. Hermione thought it was what was bound to happen in a library flooded by the ocean, perhaps. Then it was something she could only describe as an old, dirty, wet, kitchen towel. The last room housed a surprisingly temperate, stale but sweet scent that had a calming quality to it. 

Hermione left the last room and without further ado apparated into the dark, empty cul-de-sac that run off the main street just next to her favourite Italian bistro in Muggle London. She needed something aromatic, possibly fragrant, and definitely tasty to wash out the experience, not to say she was starving . Phew. Half of the day done. Dating business was exhausting. 

*

As she reappeared in the hospital after lunch, a slim girl in mind healers pink robes directed her to one of the rooms she visited previously. She was surprised upon entering to discover it was transformed completely. No antechamber, the light was yellow and warm, unlike sharp white of muggle hospitals. In the middle of the room was a single but comfortable looking bed with a silky purple cover. There was a bedside table of dark wood, quill and parchment on it. It looked much more like some elegant hotel room if it weren’t for a young, smiling witch in pink robes standing at the side. 

\- Hello, you must be Hermione. My name is Elizabeth, I will be supervising your task this afternoon. Now please strip and lie on the bed.

\- Excuse me? - Hermione managed through her sudden cough.

\- Strip. And lie on the bed. Leave lingerie on or not, up to you.

\- I’m sorry but I’ll do nothing of the sort. Unless I hear a good explanation. - Hermione protested.

The witch exhaled heavily and pinched the bridge of her nose.

\- I just knew we would need to do much more explaining and still face opposition, sure as not. Luckily Padma pulled in extra resources. It will take ages. 

\- What will take ages? - Hermione asked, still very much vexed.

\- Why, explaining of course. With all her wit Luna forgets not everyone is as open-minded as her.

\- Are you calling me... - Hermione started but Elizabeth interrupted her.

\- Oh, phhmpf, no. Or if I am I am calling myself same, I guess. - Elizabeth looked at her tiredly - Listen, I know this is awkward. It’s same for me, trust me on that. Right, listen... so, we are doing physical compatibility, yes? - she looked at Hermione as she might at a slightly daft school girl to check if she followed - You have done olfactory part now we progress to visual and tactile. Visual for your assigned wizards, tactile for you. 

\- You are suggesting you will blindfold me or something and let those guys ogle and grope me? - Hermione asked in outrage, her brain trying to process the task description.

\- Essentially yes... - Elizabeth admitted resignedly - But there are caveats! - she added quickly.

\- Enlighten me, please - Hermione said in a deceptively sweet voice, thinking at the same time that she wished it was Padma again, this girl was mucking things up by starting at the wrong end, surely Padma would know reasons were most important for Hermione even if she was good at following instructions.

\- You know most men rely heavily on visuals, right? While women, statistically, appreciate in equal parts other senses, like smell or touch. This is then what we are doing today, letting you check if you will be happy with it with any of those blind dates, right? You did smell, now you have a chance to see if you like their touch while they can get a glimpse of you.

\- And how do you preserve anonymity, huh? 

\- There will be a magical wall erected between your head and rest of the body, meaning you will feel everything but see nothing beyond your neck while the person on the other end will have a perfect view of your body but see a blurred image of a head burrowed in pillows or something. 

\- Why not glamour?

\- Oh, clever. But we don’t want to create false expectations, do we?

Hermione thought back to the wizard who asked if she were blonde and nodded regretfully.

\- Okay. Say I would agree. What is the other person permitted to do to me? 

\- Very good question. Look to their hearts content, I’m afraid. For max ten minutes though. Also, they are supposed to touch you in any way they feel appropriate to let you experience them but they can only use their hands or mouth. And there is a charm in place, whenever they overstep the rules or simply you don’t like something and say ‘stop’ the charm will expel them forcefully from the room. 

\- Very well, I guess I need to agree if I want to get the value of my galleons back. - Hermione agreed reluctantly.

\- Great. I’m really sorry that it’s so awkward, I hope you will find a good match though - Elizabeth melted in her attitude and smiled at her - The quill here is charmed to automatically write upon your dictation, you may take notes, barrier will be sound-proof. Same as with smells, notes will colour accordingly this evening. I’ll leave you to it, barrier will appear in ten minutes, disappear after the task. You can then dress and go your way. Be back here tomorrow at ten?

Hermione smiled weakly and Elizabeth left. Hermione deliberated for a moment whether she wanted her lingerie on or off. In the end she decided to retain as much control as possible and left her knickers on and transfigured her camisole into a bra. Then she put all her personal items under the bedside table, patted the pillow and slowly laid down, feeling very much exposed and very much uncomfortable. Trust Luna to land her in such a spot.

Hermione looked at the ceiling and sighed. She decided to treat it as speedy second date. Better ten minutes with an unknown wizard who won’t ever know it was even her than some sloppy snogging sessions with clearly not-that-perfect prospective romantic partner and dealing with explaining it to him afterwards that it was a no. She exhaled slowly, inhaled again and repeated. Feeling decidedly calmer she noticed the room actually felt warm, not too hot though, and there was a pleasant flowery scent in the air. She supposed they really tried to ease it for her.

Then with a jingle the barrier went up. It looked from Hermione’s side as a heavy curtain hanging just under her chin. She could move her body (she wiggled her toes experimentally) but no matter how she would twist her head, the curtain blocked her view of her lower regions completely. She braced herself for whatever would come. 

///

She estimated a good ten minutes passed before she felt something. And it wasn’t even touch, it was that teasing, itchy feeling you might get when someone is staring at you behind your back. Of course, it wasn’t, technically, behind her back but rather at the lower end of her. So, funnily enough, the itching wasn’t located in the back of her neck but rather in her upper chest. Hermione supposed it had to do with what part of bare skin was exposed to the coy stare. In any case, the feeling simply continued for a couple of minutes. Then she felt someone stiffly pat her shin, much as you would do for a favourite cat of your aunt only of course going for its head instead, and the itchy feeling subsided. Then a gentle cold wave swept through her. Hermione deduced the wizard exited the room and the automatic scourgify was cast upon her by the organisers. Not that in this particular instance it was much needed but perhaps she will get more fond of it with time. Five to go, she thought.

A few minutes later she again felt that tingling stare-related sensation. And then her feet were attacked. There was no other way to describe it, really. Overeager hands kneaded her insoles while sticky, hot mouth was devouring her toes, one by one, teeth scraping her skin. Hermione shuddered and survived till third toe before she used the code to activate safety charm. All at once the sensations stopped, to be replaced seconds later by a cold wave of the cleaning spell. Phew, that was definitely a weird experience. Hermione wondered what Luna would say to it. 

The next prospective suitor started by gently touching her hand with dry, warm mouth. Then she felt a delicate trailing of a finger across her stomach. It drew a semi-circle shape there. Then another one, positioned differently. Then another shape and another. With the last one Hermione understood, the message written on her stomach for her read “cute”. Well, _cute_ , she thought as, with another gentle kiss to her hand, the person behind the curtain departed. She wondered briefly what was so cute before a surge of cold reminded her to brace herself for the next encounter. Only three to go.

The next one was a complete disaster of unwanted touch. The first wet, klutzy kiss on her neck had her on edge. An edge of repulsion. By the third, located at her covered breast and attempting to transform into some sort of hickey-inducing suck, she invoked the safe word again. Ugh. Maybe Luna was mistaken, people need to ease into intimate touch. Or maybe not. Maybe it was better to know right away... Anyway, soon the scourgify, much needed this time, turned her thoughts away from the catastrophic task. 

The fifth one got her on edge as well. Just this time she didn’t stop him. On the contrary. He started by taking hold of her hand, his thumb drawing circles on her palm. Then she felt his...presumably nose, as it was accompanied by spurts of warm breath, swipe against her collarbones and slowly downwards. At the same time his hands swiped roughly up her arms, then continued expertly down along her ribcage, stopping for a delicious minute of massaging her breasts and flicking her nipples. She felt arousal rear its head in her stomach as his ministrations moved to her stomach, his nose pecking at her navel while one of his hands gripped her hip tightly and the other moved between her thighs, swiping upwards and cupping her through her knickers. As he rubbed against the already wet material she bucked her hips involuntarily upwards. She was rewarded by some more vigorous rubbing before her knickers were unceremoniously dragged down her legs and the wizard’s warm breath and hand met at the apex of her legs, bringing her closer and closer to edge. Merlin, Hermione thought, this guy is good. Sure of himself, for sure, but good. Surely, she thought, he can’t be able in ten minutes to... she never finished her thought as she tumbled down her pleasure. 

As she came down from her unexpected high, she was surprised she was no longer feeling his tight grip on her hip nor his warm breath on her labia. The cool breeze brought her back to her senses. Ten minutes were up. The guy was able to, in this short timespan. Bloody Baron’s prick, that was unexpected. Alright, at least she got some satisfaction from this weird exercise. Now if only the last guy wouldn’t erase the good memory...

First thing she felt were warm hands, sliding gently her knickers up to its normal place. Hermione blushed in embarrassment. Oh, no. No, no, no. She was grateful for the barrier, for once. And for the fact that cleansing charm took care of dampness. Oof. After her garment had been righted she felt only the itching thing again, for a minute or so. Sweeping across her body up and down. Then she felt the warm, sparking sensation as the fingertips caressed her collarbones and moved softly sideways to the peaks of her shoulders and then down her arms. It felt as if the wizard was drawing a worshipful, electrically-charged frame around her. She inhaled, wondering what would come next, when she felt him stop just below her elbows. A few second ticked by and then she felt his fingers delicately skimming across her not-yet-properly-healed-thank-you-Bellatrix scar on her forearm. Next she felt a warm, butterfly-light kiss planted softly somewhere around the letter ‘b’ carved into her flesh forever and then all sensations were gone. The last scourgify swept along her body and the barrier went up. 

///

Hermione got up slowly and started to dress. Surprisingly, she wasn’t thinking about the relief the awkward experience was done with. Instead, her brain was whirring away, thinking up possible reasons to explain what happened with the last wizard. Was he simply shocked by the injury? Was it the word itself that shook him, perhaps reminding him of the war? Could he... no, no details of her ordeal were ever made public so it couldn’t be personal. Or was it.... she spiralled down prejudice induced self-doubt... did her scars repulse him? And the other wizards? Is it another unforeseen result of the war, turning her even less desirable? Or was he appalled by her, thus discovered, blood status? Of all bigoted purebloods... Oh, but he kissed her, after all, she reminded herself. Oh, well, she may never know. 

Hermione resolutely applied herself to apparating home and preparing some dinner.


	6. Hermione updates her notes

In the evening Hermione sat down at her desk, pulled out her notes from the previous week and two pieces of parchment she received today. She busied herself with matching notes to each wizard. She sat back a while later, her brow furrowed, studying her completed notes.

The Blue - crass, NO!  
The Yellow - Kitchen Aid, garlic and curry/sour, CUTE  
The Purple - Stifftalk, hay and pine/sweet and calming, wet kisser  
The Orange - High Inquisitor, locomotive shed/kitchen towel, foot fetishist  
The Red - Hufflepuffs are the funniest, orange and tobacco/cigarettes and leather, ten minutes in heaven  
The Grey - Gandalf the Unhumble, herbal garden/musky and piquant, sparks/Mudblood  
The Green - Gameboy, library/musty and salty, pat the cat

\- Oh, bother, it’s not getting easier - she complained to Crookshanks the Second.


	7. Magic and soul compatibility

On Sunday Hermione arrived in St. Mungo’s quite cheerful. After all, it was the last part of her speedy dating. And what worse could happen after meeting an anonymous feet devourer? Padma greeted her with a smile.

\- Oh, hello, Hermione. I’m glad you didn’t drop out after yesterday. I’m sorry I couldn’t attend to you personally, it was a real challenge to organise the logistics. 

\- No worries, it went swimmingly - Hermione answered and giggled.

Padma relaxed and succumbed into giggles herself.

\- Okay, but I’ll invite you for a coffee one day and you tell me all about it - she grinned - for the sake of research. - Hermione was sure Padma actually winked at her - Now, I’m sure you will love today, come on.

They went to the end of a corridor where Padma stopped them in front of a window. The window giving not outside but rather into a long room, with a twin-like window on its other end. There was a round table in the middle and just in front of Hermione a weird contraption hang from the ceiling, looking like some ancient traffic lights. If not for the window on the other side it would be strangely alike to a shooting range.

\- Magic compatibility. We will check your spell-swiftness and magical power versus each of the wizards on your list. We find out it’s important to know how well balanced romantic partners are.

\- But... - Hermione protested - ...it should be perfectly possible to have a relationship with someone of completely different level of magics... otherwise Dumbledore would have been alone...oh wait uhm... anyway, there are half-bloods after all and many have perfectly loving set of parents?

\- Yes, of course. But it’s just good to know. How much you can rely on each others magic, how much you can draw on their power should you form a marriage bond that facilitates that sort of thing. - Hermione nodded slowly - Now, the task. The lights here will turn from red through yellow to green. - Padma gestured to the hanging machinery - Upon green cast ‘Accio’ at... - Padma waved her wand in the direction of the table - that cracker. The wizard on the other side is supposed to do the same. We’ll measure time of reaction of you both and strength of the spells. Observe the effects, by all means. It can be hilarious in some cases. Have fun, I’ll collect you at the end.

Hermione raised her wand in front of her and waited. She felt a bit like at her O.W.L.S again. There it was. Green light, Accio, and the cracker elegantly landed in her outstretched left hand. Brilliant, the tosser on the other end was rather slow, it seems. Or colour blind. She dropped the cracker to the floor and braced for the next round as a new cracker appeared on the table. 

Green light, the cracker started to move towards the other end when her spell hit it and it reversed, landing swiftly on her side. Oh well, that guy was real quick. But her ‘Accio’ was much more persuading for the cracker.

Third trial. The spells hit their objects at the same time. However, as Hermione easily summoned the cracker, the wizard accidentally targeted the table. Unless it was an attempt to misdirect her spell... Well, if so, it was ineffective. Hermione laughed, casted a locomotor spell to righten the table and a second later a new cracker reappeared. The pile by her leg now contained three shiny, silver and gold cylinders.

Fourth green light appeared. Hermione lazily flicked her wand. This time the wizard hit the target a millisecond before her, with sparks of red. Oh, going for visuals, are you? - she thought to herself, gripping her wand tighter, her invisible spell halting the crackers progress away from her. It hovered in the air, shaking, jolting back and forth, moving slowly back towards her. Somewhere halfway between Hermione and the table the carton cylinder gave up and exploded, raining heart shaped confetti on the floor. A tiny stuffed parrot continued its flight to her hand. Cool, it looked like she won. She smiled at her competitive nature.

The fifth wizard sent his spell at the same time as Hermione, who was by now well trained in reacting to green, hello Pavlov. Her wand vibrated slightly as she observed the cracker rise into the air but stay exactly over the table. She concentrated her will on summoning the thing. A minute went by, she felt her fixation start to weaken when suddenly golden light highlighted the route between their two wands and the cracker, warmth entered her fingers from the wood in her hand and she wondered if Harry felt similar when his wand linked with Voldemort’s twin one. But then the cracker erupted with a small display of fireworks and a felt jester hat fell to the table. She lowered her wand, allowing the wizard to cast another summoning charm to tidy up the mess. She had enough crackers as it was. 

Green light for the last time. She hit the cracker and it started flying to her. The wizard’s spell was late, it managed to slow down the object towards the end of its progress but it nevertheless landed in her hand. 

\- Here are the results - Padma appeared at her side - You are one powerful witch, not that I had any doubts. First column is wizard number in this task, second is his speed normalised to hundred slash yours. Last is percentage of your combined magical power on wizard’s side slash yours. See you after lunch.

*

Hermione stuffed the parchment in her pocket and nodded. First, she went through the door to the public part of the hospital, climbing the stairs to the children’s ward. Once she dropped her crackers and stuffed toy with bored to death little patients she disapparated for lunch. She looked at the result printout over her sushi plate. 

1 ‘5/97 -/-  
2 ‘100/90 30/70  
3 ‘90/90 40/60  
4 ‘95/92 35/65  
5 ‘98/98 50/50  
6 ‘73/99 20/80

Well, no surprises, it seemed the measurements were well calibrated. She would need to wait till the evening for the colour coding to appear of course. And one more thing, before she forgets. She took out her pencil (she was in a muggle place after all) and penned “Accuracy: 0” next to number 3.

*

As she came back after lunch, Padma was waiting for her. 

\- Soul compatibility and we are done with this part - she remarked leading Hermione along the corridor. 

\- How do you even test that? - Hermione was curious, in fact she spent half her lunch thinking about it. 

\- Oh, come and see - Padma turned her to an alcove with another window giving onto a room. 

This time the window on the other wall simply revealed the sky outside. The room was round and cheerful, with yellow walls, a few pillows and books under one wall but otherwise empty. 

\- There is a second window and alcove on this side for your counterparts. The gong will signal first test. Cast something that reflects you well, skills, feelings, whatever. The wizard was asked to react to it with his magic. Then the roles will reverse. Then again you cast something and wait for reaction. Then the gong will announce the end of task, another wizard will step up and so on until we exhaust participants. Clear?

\- Oh, I guess so. The procedure is clear, I mean, but what shall I cast not that much. Neither how I’ll evaluate the results later. But one bridge at a time. Can I take notes?

\- Absolutely. I’ll await an owl with your top list by tomorrow end of day. Have fun.

Padma went away and Hermione fished out her parchment and quill from her bag and then turned to the empty room, readying her wand. 

The gong sounded. She conjured her signature blue flames as a small bonfire in the middle of the floor. A wind blew across the room swaying them. Then she felt the air in the room grow hotter, she could feel it through the window. With a small wave she opened the outer window to cool it down. This guy was much into air-related spells. She casted her patronus. A sharp blast of compressed air threw her otter against the wall. Not nice - she winced and let her patronus dissolve.The gong ended the airy encounter.

With the next gong Hermione decided to keep her spells constant to make comparisons easier. Her blue flames were extinguished by Aguamenti. The guy transfigured one of the pillows into a pair of high-heeled boots. Must be the foot fetishist - she thought, and in a surge of vindictiveness threw them out through the still open window with a banishing charm. Her otter was met with a wisp of blue smoke she took for an attempt at a patronus charm. This eliminated anyone from the DA. She was glad for a gong.

The next trial had her blue flames turned red by an addition of some conjured powder. As the book had been transfigured into a goblet, she filled it with water. Then her otter was gifted with a pillow transfigured into a fish. Oh, at least this one appreciated her cute magical familial. Gong.

The fourth wizard conjured a cute little lantern to contain her blue flames. His spell impressed Hermione no end since it was some complex magic. He turned the sky outside into a dark night one, with stars littering it, Sirius visible above the horizon. The room turned dark. She summoned a few crickets from the park nearby and the kind creatures filled the area with their music. Then with a quiet finite Hermione switched on daylight again and casted a patronus charm. The response was a flock of butterflies to delight the otter who chased them contentedly. Now, that was nice - Hermione thought as the gong sounded again.

The last but one test began. Hermione created the flames. The unknown wizard hovered a book over it, presumably to check if it would burn. Well, it didn’t. So he casted his own Incendio and the book was reduced to ashes. Hermione reacted instinctively with a water spell, extinguishing the fire before it could spread. She was getting bored with the water spell, honestly. She produced a patronus. The guy took a page from her book and casted an Aguamenti for it. Not that bad but she groaned nevertheless, what happened to originality?

The last run. Hermione raised her wand and conjured her flames again. The wizard multiplied them. Fun. He moved all the remaining books and pillows to the middle and arranged them in neat stacks. Oh, how orderly - Hermione thought, responding with a dusting off spell Molly once taught her. Not that is spoke much about her soul. Finally, she casted a patronus. To her surprise the wizard casted his own. For a few moments her otter and his vulture circled each other rather apprehensively before his patronus spotted an open window and took flight. Her otter relaxed and disappeared. The last gong sounded.


	8. Hermione creates her final choices list

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tests are done with, time for narrowing it down.
> 
> *********

Sunday evening Hermione sat at her desk again, intent on ordering her notes and making a decision. She pulled out her main parchment and the scrap from soul test, along with measurements of magic compatibility. Then she copied them all to a fresh sheet of parchment, beaming at the eye-pleasing final result.

The Blue - crass, NO!  
The Yellow - Kitchen Aid, garlic and curry/sour, CUTE, ‘73/99 20/80, flame transformation/fed my otter  
The Purple - Stifftalk, hay and pine/sweet and calming, wet kisser, ‘100/90 30/70, **incendioed a book!!!**  
The Orange - High Inquisitor, locomotive shed/kitchen towel, foot fetishist, 5/97 -/-, fire extinguisher/feet again  
The Red - Hufflepuffs are the funniest, orange and tobacco/cigarettes and leather, ten minutes in heaven, ‘95/92 35/65, Air-focused  
The Grey - Gandalf the Unhumble, herbal garden/musky and piquant, sparks/Mudblood, ‘98/98 50/50, night sky/light protection  
The Green - Gameboy, library/musty and salty, pat the cat, ‘90/90 40/60 inaccurate, order/Vulture

All done. Now to the second part of the evening. She decided to start with elimination. Whom would she definitely not like to meet?

~~The Blue - crass, NO!~~

That one was easy, already done. Now...

~~The Purple - Stifftalk, hay and pine/sweet and calming, wet kisser, ‘100/90 30/70, **incendioed a book!!!**~~

The only things speaking for the git was his nice smell and his quickness with spells. But she could never be with someone who set fire to a book. Let alone his conversation abilities. She could easily find something else to calm her down than his smell. 

Okay, next...

~~The Orange - High Inquisitor, locomotive shed/kitchen towel, foot fetishist, 5/97 -/-, fire extinguisher/feet again~~

There was nothing to speak for him here. Okay, maybe he was ambitious, he tried to conjure a patronus. Yet overall it was a failed attempt. Hermione crossed him out.

Now it got trickier. The Yellow was hard to decide on. There was no hard ‘no’. He smelled bad when sweaty but she supposed he could be asked to shower often. He wasn’t a powerful wizard but his spells still were rather nice. Talking to him was pleasant enough but... yes, _da liegt der Hund begraben_ ,* as her German teacher would say. She already had one Arthur Weasley to talk to about muggle appliances. Regretfully Hermione crossed him out.

__

~~The Yellow - Kitchen Aid, garlic and curry/sour, CUTE, ‘73/99 20/80, flame transformation/fed my otter~~

__

She was left in fact with her initial list.

__

The Red - Hufflepuffs are the funniest, orange and tobacco/cigarettes and leather, ten minutes in heaven, ‘95/92 35/65, Air-focused  
The Grey - Gandalf the Unhumble, herbal garden/musky and piquant, sparks/Mudblood, ‘98/98 50/50, night sky/protection  
The Green - Gameboy, library/musty and salty, pat the cat, ‘90/90 40/60 inaccurate, order/Vulture

__

Now, were there any red flags? 

__

The Red clearly smoked but perhaps he could give it up. He smashed her otter against the wall but it might have been a spell gone bad. Rather like a giant, surprised by his own strength? She could learn more about him from one of the Weasleys. Or maybe not. She jumped to the next one.

__

The Grey’s red flags were all conversation related - he seemed too sure of himself and boastful about his big living space. These things though were not definitive in any way. On the other side, he was clearly a powerful wizard, spell test went fantastic with him, touch was nice up to... Yes, the Mudblood problem. Hermione sighed. 

__

The Green. He was her favourite after the mind part. Muggleborn like her, they would have plenty of common understanding of muggle world. She remembered being surprised it was him who smelt of books. It was nice until it turned into wet books. He seemed shy of touch or maybe he wasn’t attracted to her physically. However, it was the vulture that disturbed her. The patronus form was supposed to reflect the most inner soul characteristics of a witch or wizard. Much like their animagus which often was the same as patronus. From what she knew already, happily in love couples used to have somehow complementary patronuses, like pair of wolves for Tonks and Lupin (although, Hermione noted, Tonks patronus had changed much like Snape’s had)or stag and doe for Harry’s parents. She wondered what was Molly’s patronus...

__

Hermione cast her otter and sent it to Molly with “I’m doing some research on familial similarities of patronuses, please send yours as I don’t remember its form”. Two minutes later an octopus emerged into her room with a cheerful “Good luck with your research”. So much for similarity, Hermione could find nothing common between weasels and octopuses. But of course octopuses make splendid, caring mothers, even if it kills them in the end. Hmph. Still, Hermione was rather wary of possible coexistence of otters and vultures. 

__

Finally she pulled a fresh sheet of parchment and created an official letter to Padma and dating service in general.

_My top list:_

_The Grey_  
_The Red_  
_The Green_

_Best, Hermione J. Granger_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> * If you don’t speak German, it’s an idiom meaning ‘here is the crux of the matter, here is the problem’


	9. Luna pays a visit

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Luna and Hermione discuss the choices
> 
> ********

Hermione was fairly surprised to see Luna emerging in her living room Monday evening in a burst of green flames of the Floo. Not that she was surprised to see Luna use her Floo, it was her afterwards who gave her the access and Luna was a guest in her flat pretty often. No, Hermione was surprised by the timing. She suspected Luna to be fairly busy this Monday with the matching of dating results rather than visiting friends.

\- Luna, good to see you - Hermione, despite her surprise, was sincerely fond of Luna and happy to see her.

\- You too, of course - the witches hugged affectionately - I see you are Wrackspurts free today, I’m glad.

\- Me too. I am surprised to see you today of all days - Hermione voiced her feelings while busying herself with the kettle and digging in her cupboard for herbal lemon tea she knew Luna preferred.

\- Oh, yes. We are all terribly immersed in matching everybody up after the trial runs, of course - Luna smiled at her serenely from the top of the counter, where she hopped in the meantime - In fact, this is why I am here - she said encouragingly.

\- Uhm... yes? - Hermione failed to see what Luna was encouraging her about.

\- Your list, Hermione. The Green wizard didn’t include you in his tops...

Hermione shrugged. This solved the vulture problem.

\- The Yellow did, but you didn’t include him.

\- Oh, no. I didn’t. But I think he would make great friends with Arthur Weasley, if you can somehow connect them? And come to think of it, with Molly as well, he loves cooking.

\- This is a good idea, really, thank you - Luna replied seriously, her eyes gazing at Hermione - Now, the Red indicated you as number three, so we can connect you two... - Luna trailed off.

\- Great. - Hermione said unenthusiastically, it started to sound like second wave would be her option - Uhm, not that I’m unhappy to see you but do you personally visit all eighty participants to discuss the matches?

\- Oh, of course not. They will all get appointments in St. Mungo’s tomorrow. 

\- What makes me special?

\- Your number one. - Luna said simply.

\- True, you haven’t mentioned Gandalf the Grey.

\- This is a good name - Luna smiled at her with her signature eerie glare - His list is empty.

\- Oh, well... - Hermione felt an irksome sort of regret, she was really counting to be on that guy’s list, if only to discuss with him how his advice on wards paid off.

\- I would like your permission to ask him if he would reconsider adding you to his list. I agree with you the fit seems good.

\- Wait, you know this wizard?

\- Oh, yes. He is my friend. This is why I can ask him, can’t I? 

\- Uhm... - Hermione felt some kind of foreboding...she remembered how limited the circle of Luna’s friends were, after all her ceiling painting... but then a few years have passed, she must have made some good friends since - Alright. Please do. Just don’t push him.

\- No, I won’t. I just have an idea...

With that Luna finished her tea, waved at her and disappeared through the Floo. 

*

Hermione received an owl on Tuesday morning.

_Hermione,_  
_Your Gandalf agreed to talk to you again. I’ll reactivate your notebooks in the afternoon. Now it’s your move, see if you can persuade him. Otherwise we can connect you with the Red one on Wed._  
_Love, Luna_


	10. Meet the man

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Meet The Grey.
> 
> Oh, and if you were left curious, discover how the wards problem was solved.
> 
> ******

Tuesday evening, Hermione armed herself with a cup of tea and sat down at her desk, pulling the grey notebook to her. The conversation was still parked at where they left it two weeks back. She dipped her quill in ink and turned to a fresh page.

\- Hello, The Grey. This is Wicked Witch of the West again. I know Luna told you you are top of my list. Yet you weren’t interested in me.

\- Hi, Wicked - the answer appeared immediately, as if the wizard waited for her move - I wouldn’t go that far.

\- What do you mean?

\- As far as those tests went I was interested in you. You are smart, fun to talk to, beautiful, your magic is exceptional. In fact _have_ I made a list, you would be the only position on it.

Hermione was dumbfounded. And confused as a herd of nifflers in Gringotts vault.

\- Thank you, I guess. Then why didn’t you make a list?

\- Because I know it couldn’t work.

\- You mean you and me paired together? - surely he didn’t mean making the list, this guy was too smart.

\- Yes.

\- How do you know?

\- I knew ever since the bloody physical test.

Hermione inhaled sharply. The guy was bothered by her scar, for whatever reason. Not her appearance, if he believed her beautiful ( _de gustibus non est disputandum_ , she thought parenthetically). It must be the dreaded word. 

\- Is it because you are bothered by what I clearly am?

\- No. It’s because I know exactly who you are.

Wait, wait, wait. This defied all her beliefs. There was no way, her scar wasn’t mentioned in any history book, it was kept secret from the general public and she usually had it covered so only a few of her chosen friends had seen it. 

\- How?

\- I’ve seen it happen.

Hermione gazed at the notebook with wide eyes. Of those who actually saw it happened half were dead, a few deep in Azkaban for life and she doubted if Padma and Luna would allow them participation. This left Narcissa who was obviously out of the picture. And of course...

\- This means I know who you are.

\- Took you long enough, Granger. 

Hermione laughed out loud. It was bizarre. She should have known. After all he was always too sure of himself. And of course would have a big house. A freaking manor. And the star spell was a telltale of Black heritage, for sure. It was just astonishing he took part in this trials at all but perhaps he wanted more from partnership than arranged pureblood marriage. Or similar to her, needed a chance to meet someone who would, at least at first, look beyond his “Death Eater” (or “War Heroine” in her case) sticker.

Then anger flamed in her. That presumptuous arrogant prat, assuming he already knew the answers to what the future would bring. Ugh. As if he didn’t drop divination as well.

\- Malfoy, a pleasure. - she smiled coldly at the parchment - How do you know it couldn’t work?

\- Oh, please - she could in fact hear his drawl in her mind - As if a female part of Golden Trio, Order of Merlin, most promising Gringotts curse breaker, Brightest Witch Her Age etc. etc. would want anything to do with a sodding ex-Death Eater who saw her tortured in his own drawing room and did nothing. As if you would give me a time of your day let alone a second chance.

\- Wizengamot did. Why wouldn’t I? And you torture yourself thinking you could have stopped your crazy aunt. We would’ve been outnumbered.

There was a pause of a few minutes until...

\- Granger, are you serious?

Hermione chuckled. Only Malfoy could be sarcastic and hopeful in one sentence.

\- Deadly. You decent?

\- What?

\- Then bring your sad arse here, all this writing takes too long. I’ll open my Floo, shout for Granger’s Loft.

Ten minutes later her Floo spewed out, amidst customary green fire, the tall figure of Draco Malfoy, directly on her fireside rug. 

\- Decent enough? - he asked, sweeping soot from his black cashmere jumper - Although come to think of it, I probably owe you an indecent peek.

\- All in a good time - Hermione promised him handing him a cup of tea - First things first. My job.

\- Why am I not surprised? - Malfoy laughed and Hermione was surprised to discover it was the first time she actually heard him laugh for a reason different than malice and spite.

\- I need you.

\- Oh, sure. After all you volunteered for that dating service. 

\- Nah, I need you as in you personally. Do you remember my wards problem? I acted on your hint. Thank you, by the way. The wife was née Crouch, nothing there because they are all cold and dead. But her mother was born a Black. 

Malfoy raised an eyebrow.

\- Ah, yes. Teddy of course is too small but Andromeda was able to easily remove the wards. But now Andromeda has flu and I just found the old fool warded extra his cellar. 

\- You could ask my Mother.

\- Very funny. It would invoke favour.

\- While asking me?

\- Would count as a first date? Unless you have a better idea what it could be - Hermione batted her eyelashes playfully wondering how in the name of Morgana she ended up joking with Malfoy.

\- I can’t think of anything that could surpass breaking in to secret chamber of the old Bluebeard in some merlinforsaken place in the middle of nowhere.

\- It’s in Derbyshire.

\- In that case I’m at your service. - he said drily - Shall we meet in front of Gringotts tomorrow at eight?

\- Perfect. And we can see how it goes from there. 

He nodded, looking at her, suddenly very serious. Understanding it wasn’t the wards they were speaking.

\- I loved the star spell - Hermione blurted out - can you tailor the stars you conjure with it?

\- Yeah, I can. I do the Dragon typically as you can guess.

\- Why didn’t you cross me out after the touch part? - Hermione asked.

\- Call it curiosity.

\- Or hope dies the last? - she pushed.

Malfoy shrugged but Hermione believed she found confirmation in his gaze. He put his mug down and moved towards the fireplace. 

\- I’ll see you tomorrow morning, good night, Granger.

\- Night - Hermione said and then, just as he was about to toss the powder to the flames, she added - Draco, uhm, do you really found me beautiful?

\- Don’t tempt me to stay, Hermione - and with a one-sided smirk he was gone.


	11. Epilogue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Because even the shortest story can have one...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had such fun writing this story (and getting it out of my system).
> 
> All the best for my two kudoers (up to now...a girl can hope ;)) - hope you liked the last update.
> 
> ********

The big ministry fête commemorating the Battle of Hogwarts was held on Hogwarts grounds in early May. It was the first public appearance together of Hermione and Draco, despite the latter’s protests he had no place there. Until now it seemed to them the scientific method of Luna’s and Padma’s teams matched them well and they continued to find more fits than misfits between each other. Neither continued into second wave and both considered the fee money well invested.

Now, beside the drinks table, they were accosted by Luna.

\- Hermione, it’s so good to see you so happy - Luna hugged her tightly - And Draco, you look well rested - Luna hugged Draco enthusiastically.

Hermione raised her eyebrows behind them, surprised they were that close. It still seemed strange to see former Slytherins hugging anyone (okay, sure, Hermione was the exception).

\- We grew very close during my time in the Manor - Luna explained to Hermione’s horror.

After all, Luna was held captive there. But then, maybe in some sense Draco was a prisoner of the Manor as well.

\- I always knew you two would do well together - Luna rushed to assure them, her hands on their shoulders.

\- Really? Why didn’t you say so before we invested money in your dating project? - Hermione and Draco asked in unison.

\- Would either of you believe my intuition without scientific evidence? - Luna smiled her serene smile and left in a swirl of her rainbow robes.

They looked dumbfounded after her retreating form before turning to each other. Then Malfoy pulled Hermione in for a kiss. 

\- My witch - he murmured against her forehead.

\- Beyond doubt, as proven by science.


	12. empty chapter

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> okay...last time of cheating ao3 system...  
> adding empty chapter just because if i post draft chapters it never shows as updated...

i will delete this chapter tomorrow or sth...

**Author's Note:**

> Please note: this is fiction, any research quoted in any chapter of this story is completely fictional and not based on any actual scientific findings, don’t apply it blindly to your life.


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